Cant Sleep

have you ever tried falling asleep at an appropriate time, and just end up replaying interactions in your head. and no i’m not talking about the ‘the looked at me for more than 2 seconds’ or ‘oh god that was so embarrassing’. i’m talking about interactions that made you question the way you operate. just a simple “why do you do this?” someone said days ago and now i can’t fall asleep. 

let me share such a interaction with you guys. i’m at school and my acquaintance-friend [we aren’t all that close] and i said the same thing at the same time. so naturally, i say “jinx you owe me a soda”. now for context this wasn’t the first time this was happening, i had jinxed him at least 3 times by now. so he replies “damn bro why are you always jinxing and making challenges out of the most basic things”. and of course my brain hadn’t given it thought till now, when i actually wanted to sleep…of course. 

but i have been thinking, why do i do this? what’s the point of accepting a challenge you make for yourself? literally why? and well, i’ve come up with answers as well. let’s be honest, for the most part life is pretty boring. no hate, but it just is sometimes. and sometimes you need something to look forward to in the near future you know? you want to feel the satisfaction of achieving something. like the meaning or purpose of one’s life. now some people are lucky enough that they have the whole “what’s the meaning /purpose of my life” question answered. but for unlucky soul as yours truly who don’t have this question answered, well it just feels like you have to make a reason to keep going. 

now don’t get me wrong, i do have long term goals and aspirations. but when life’s no fun and getting out of bed is getting harder day by day, you need something to look forward to you know? something that will get you out of your bed, and convince you to actually try today. i guess what i’m trying to say is, yes these challenges or not all that big of deal and maybe even a bit stupid, but on some days they are the reason i can get out of bed. wow i yap a lot.

until next time.

this is roma,

signing off.